Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize