Pregnant stripper...not hot.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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