If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
