he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
