Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
