Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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