we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
