I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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