Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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