No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
