Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
