So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
