the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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