3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
