she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
