I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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