I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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