A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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