Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you have feelings for this penis?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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