Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
