If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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