If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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