Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
