thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
