i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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