my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
