tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
