"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
