this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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