I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
