First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
