I feel like I'm in dance class right now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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