i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
