I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
