Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
