Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
