I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
