these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
