Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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