I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
