So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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