i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
