I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
