Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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