Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
