I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
God, I missed his penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
