Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
