GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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