So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I cannot find my penis.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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