Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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