You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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