I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
