Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
