then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
