well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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