Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
