She's like a pop up book from hell.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
