Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
