I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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