last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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