pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
