i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
