Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
