he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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