We won't sleep together?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
