I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
