You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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