so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
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He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.