mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
