So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
