note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
