that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
