do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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