How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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