They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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