Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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