If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Enjoy the penises
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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