So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
