i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
