I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
