I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
