My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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