then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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